bye bye gremlins

Gremlims set up a nest in our office about a month ago. We’re not sure how they got in. Perhaps they hitched a ride on the bumper of the postwoman’s car (our only regular visitor). Or maybe they blew into the area on one of the many storms that have been swirling across the Atlantic lately, and slipped in the back door when I wasn’t looking.

We know of their existence by their actions. The little beggars have been sending out sorties to make mischief at night while we’re asleep. They’ve been kicking out a screw here and there, mucking about with magnets, swinging off our wireless broadband antenna, and whispering insults to all our computers until one by one they have collapsed into weeping bits.

Martin, as chief Gremlin wrangler, has been setting traps for the wee bastards, but their constant japes and tricks have kept him on the run for the past month.

Yesterday they pulled off a strategic attack upon my desktop computer, which required a complete re-install of Windoze. You never realise how many programs you use until you have to reinstall every one of them. At least the data was intact, and now the machine is behaving itself rather better.

However, that’s my work computer, and I can’t let them get away with that. It’s war.

No more hot chocolate for them. Or rides around the house on Minnie’s back. It’s time to clean house and eject the blighters. They can have a home in the back garden, where they can burrow and leap, and pester the birds that are congregating at the feeders. I may even leave them the occasional drop of rum if they’re willing to cooperate.

No more hard drive heart attacks, thank you very much. An end to tipsy operating systems that growl out incoherent angry messages. Goodbye to failed wireless signals.

From now on: peace and happy humming machines will reign.

Or else Operation Eject Gremlins to the Garden will become Operation Destroy All Gremlins and Hang their Tiny Twitching Corpses on Stakes to Warn their Brethren from Our Doorstep Forever.